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I recently had an interesting conversation with an older coworker about what it means for a civilization to collapse. I told him that I don’t think we really see a collapse, we see a series of changes, but we acclimate, and then generations later someone will point at this zeitgeist and say, “that was the collapse.” It’s like how you get older one day at a time, but you don’t realize it until you’re already older.

He had a much more nihilistic opinion that America is already done for. The collapse has already happened. His evidence lies in his declining 401k and the uncertain future of his social security checks. Young people aren’t buying houses anymore, they don’t work as hard, and they don’t have the grit that it takes to maintain a country, and it’s all Donald Trump’s fault.

I told him that was a stupid opinion, so he railed on Trump some more. Then he stuffed his big head into a beret, lit up an American Spirit, and stomped off to sit in the hot tub at the house he paid $50 for 1980.

It raises an interesting question, though. Is this the time period that future historians will remember as the Fall of the American Empire? Beats me, but I have a hunch we’ve had a few of those. The civil war, the Great Emigration and the Oregon Trail, World War II, The Cold War, JFK’s Assassination, The Internet, 9/11, the Recession; it seems like every decade as at least a couple End Of The World As We Know It moments.

However, we can’t deny that we’re in a wild time where America is changing from one epoch to the next. The culture is shifting, and some of those changes are moving politics globally. The big ones are the economy and immigration; Americans got sick of being the world’s checking account, and even more sick of being the world’s halfway house.

Whatever. The election is over and the tariffs and deportations are happening and these things are ultimately beyond our control. I’m curious to see what happens. In the meantime, I want to look at a few changing traditions within American culture that don’t have any full-scale effects, just fun little things about being an American that have changed in the last decade or so. Here they are.

Soccer is now a thing

I fell in love with Soccer when I was in Argentina, and when I got back, I realized how much of a foothold it already has in the United States. There are two dedicated soccer bars right here in Boise, of all places. The city just tore down a horse track and put in a soccer specific stadium, we’re supposed to be getting a pro team here soon.

Most of the soccer fans that I’ve talked to care more about European soccer. I’ve got a neighbor with an Arsenal sticker on his truck. One of my local bars has a Manchester United scarf hanging on the wall. I have a hard time finding LATAM soccer to watch in public, but it’s pretty easy to access at home if that’s the mood.

While Major League Soccer remains less popular than the European leagues (at least in Idaho), it has certainly come to its own as a major American sports phenomenon. I’ve been watching it religiously and haven’t missed a Chicago Fire match yet. MLS has become my favorite of the soccer leagues for two reasons:

1) There’s no crying in American soccer. The “flop” is widely known in soccer- fake a little injury, roll around on the grass, cry like a baby on national TV while your wife watches from the stands. I’ve heard it said that “it’s the only way to get your fellow players a break.” I don’t care- it’s GAY. Watching Lionel Messi boo hoo hoo those big heaving sobs when he was pulled from the Copa America was embarassing- and you don’t see that in American soccer.

MLS is closer to hockey, where players get mad and beat the crap out of each other. Chicago’s debut match this season saw Brian Gutierrez run up and bash a guy in the back of the head. Chris Brady recently got the red card for elbow checking a motherfucker in the throat. When someone is on the grass in MLS, you know it’s real. Then the guy gets up, not a tear in his eye, and sets out to get even. That’s the American way.

2) MLS is changing the sports streaming game in a very big way. The whole league is on Apple TV, and shockingly cheap. I got it free through T-Mobile, but it’s only like $80 for the whole year- including playoffs, and without blackouts. This is a bold move that steps around DirecTV’s stranglehold on sports streaming completely, and it seems to be working- MLS surpassed the NBA in viewership numbers last year, marking a big blow to the sports package dynasty. I don’t think anyone in America saw that one coming.

Even Baseball is Changing Its Traditions

Tradition is as integral to the game of baseball as hot dogs and cigarettes, so it’s very surprising to see some of the changes being made to the game. For instance, it was traditional for the Cincinnati Reds to get the first scheduled game every season, because they were the first MLB team. Now, they have to settle for a home series at any slot on Opening Day. That’s a bummer for the culture of that team (the most passionate fans in baseball) and a step away from a tradition dating back to 1881.

People are starting to wonder why we even have umpires anymore. Every stadium has cameras capable of seeing a gnat’s pubes from Mars and computers that can calculate which player hit the bag first, accurate within a millionth of a microsecond. All of the ump’s authority can be overturned by the All Seeing Eye. Tradition alone is keeping Blue behind the plate, because despite that stupid floating box on the TV screen, we depend on his wisdom to declare Balls and Strikes. As of 2025, MLB teams can now challenge balls and strikes three times per game. I hate this one. This moves baseball from the hands of humanity into the cold, unfeeling clutches of the sports betting business.

Speaking of betting, Pete Rose is now eligible for the Baseball Hall of fame. He was permanently banned from Cooperstown for allegedly betting against the Reds while managing them in the 80s. Also now eligible is Shoeless Joe Jackson, one of 8 White Sox banned for allegedly throwing the World Series for mob money in 1919. Both men are now dead and won’t be attending their induction ceremonies. This signals the age of FanDuel and BetMGM, where throwing games and betting against yourself is no longer a crime.

Unrelated, but while we’re at it, can we remove The Monkees from the permanently ineligible list? They were disbarred from the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame for not being a real band, but they weren’t supposed to be a real band, became one anyway, and their impact on rock music is humongous. Let’s get some justice while we’re ripping up all these long-standing traditions, shall we?

Non-alcoholic beer on tap

Beer is a huge part of American history. The Revolution was organized in New England taverns. We’ve developed a whole new style of beer over the centuries, which other countries like to make fun of (yet they still buy it). Beer is the nectar of the working man who built this country, the lifeblood of the Cowboy, and young people are stepping away from this delicious substance en masse.

Well, not actually stepping away, because giving up beer completely means giving up your social life, unless you’re some kind of geek who prefers church or something. No, people are still scratching their social itch in the bar environment, but without the alcohol. Thus rises a market for non-alcoholic beer, and since people like to remain awkward when they socialize, the market has exploded and the taboo has officially lifted.

It used to be that NA beer was reserved for old weirdos, and you’d get called a weenie for ordering it. Every bar had a single six-pack of O’Douls that they’d sell out of twice a year. Recently, I’ve seen NA beer on tap. That means there’s enough of a market for it that bars need to order it by the keg.

I’ve also seen grocery stores proudly displaying the latest NA options, and every major brand jumping into the market. It’s baffling to me. These drinks are the same price, the same flavor, and with none of the fun. What good is socializing if you’re going in with maximum anxiety? Is anyone really taking home a sixer of Bud 0.0 to drink in front of the TV?

This is part of a larger cultural drift towards sobriety that I’ve noticed. That’s fine, drinking isn’t for everyone, but if you drop the alcohol and get your jollies from marijuana or sugar, you aren’t actually sober. Just a hypocrite.

Women are dating older men

I’m not talking about a Junior getting all excited about going to prom with the hot Senior, I’m talking about 25 year old women in healthy, happy relationships with guys pushing 40. I personally know several of them. This used to be a big taboo, but not anymore. It makes a lot of sense; most chicks are more attracted to a guy who’s got his life together, and that just isn’t the case for a 25 year old man.

This may turn out to be a good thing for the human race. Men can have kids pretty much until they die, but women are victims to their own cruel biology. It gives young men something to hope for, and it gives women an option to pair with a more stable guy and acquire a more comfortable life. It makes a lot of sense to me- and I’m not just selfishly saying that as a single guy pushing 30.

Cultures tend to go through corrections the same way markets do, and I think this change is the fix after dating apps sent dating culture into a tailspin. Without the barrier of age difference taboo, people are still finding each other, and dating apps are pretty much gone. It was an interesting experiment that ended in spectacular failure. It was supposed to connect single people without the awkward social interaction. What happened instead was fifteen hunky studs were getting laid around the clock and everyone else was wasting their time.

While we’re on the subject, the Passport Bro thing didn’t really work out either. A lot of guys struggling with love in America thought they could wife up a hot brown girl in a different part of the world. Turns out that if you’re an angry horny loser in America, you’re an angry horny loser everywhere else. Also, the locals weren’t fond of this trend. I experienced that first-hand in Colombia, which became a sex tourism hotspot because prostitution is legal there. Oh look, another white guy who barely speaks Spanish? Leave our women alone! Find a different grocery store to shop at, gringo! ■