Spud media

I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon at bars, where people congregate to certain sides based on what’s going on. This is true of baseball games, live music, even elections. Everyone in the bar on Tuesday night was watching the electoral votes pour in, and I was on the side having a wonderful time. When Trump took Wisconsin and secured that winning 276th vote, we celebrated with shots and gleeful chatter. Across the mahogany, a few sad sacks stared somberly into their beverages, heads hanging low. It was over. We won.

CNN’s anchors stammered in shock and dismay on the TV, while the bar crowd had a completely separate conversation. It wasn’t about the election, but with spirits lifted, it didn’t matter. Even the next day, I met up with some friends who didn’t vote because they don’t care, and they’re energy seemed higher as well. It’s as if a wave of relief has washed over the country, and the only people upset by it are the ones who habitually seek out their own misery anyway.

It was a fun election from the start, and the whole world was watching, especially Argentina. I like to read the Buenos Aires Times, an English language newspaper from down below; they’ve been running a US Election column heavily in favor of Trump. When I was down there, I was asked multiple times by the locals about Trump- my thoughts, do I like him, what’s he really like (I’ve never met him, I don’t know why they would ask that). Not one of these locals had ever even heard of Kamala Harris, of course.

The most fun part about it to me was that it wasn’t the routine Red Guy vs. Blue Guy affair, where policy positions are assigned by the Party, where nobody bothers to vote because everyone looks fake, where the news caters to bored busybodies, and voting doesn’t matter because it’s decided by money anyway.

The 2024 election was real. The established elite used every tactic in the book to silence, slander, and even kill their opponent. Both campaigns ran on empty promises to various voter blocks, and God only knows which will ever come true. It was dirty and gritty. It’s the kind of election you could expect to see in Brazil or the Roman Republic. It shattered the sterile image of elections as portrayed by the American Brand. Not only was it fun, it was significant, because American culture was on the line.

Why was the 2024 election so historic?

So much money is spent on campaigns to get potential voters off the couch. The standard notion is that democracy only works when as many people vote as possible. I disagree- I think democracy only works if people who care vote. I’m in favor of most people skipping the polls, that’s just fine. Leave the voting to the people who pay attention and know the details of how it all works. There is far more nobility in abstaining than there is in voting through clenched teeth with a dark heart full of disdain.

It was those unhappy teeth grinders that showed up to vote for Kamala Harris. She spent the last four years riding shotgun. She could have made things better already, and didn’t. Every time she gets on camera you see what a hollow shell she is. Her entire campaign was built around being an alternative to the Boogeyman instead of offering anything to the American public, who she clearly does not care half a shit about. Her willingness to make dishonest claims about her working class past, and her unwillingness to step down from the ivory tower, was a kick in the ribs to everyone who works for a living. The only reason to throw your support behind someone so caustic would be for abortion, which itself is ultimately about death.

If you care about the United States of America, you had one clear option. Even if your only concern is your paycheck, you can clearly see that Trump’s economy was far better than what we’ve had for the last four years. He’s tough on immigration, for which nearly the whole country demands some kind of reform. Seeing FEMA spend millions housing illegal aliens instead of helping hurricane victims pissed a lot of the country off. As the campaign went on and he picked up an entourage, other big issues started to form in his orbit: crypto regulation, health, untangling the bureaucratic web, etcetera. Pick any issue, and Trump was the common sense candidate.

Even if you care about abortion, which I fucking don’t, the facts are clear that Trump had nothing to do with Roe v. Wade or the dreaded Project 2025. He has repeatedly said that he would veto a national ban. The whole “Trump is taking women’s rights away” is a blatant and obvious lie; one of those baseless exaggerations that women conjure up when they aren’t getting any good dick.

That’s the ultimate difference between the two candidates. The culture behind Kamala Harris is based on resentment and death. They hate America so much that they would spend more money on foreign wars than they would on hurricane relief right here. Their whole campaign plan was to slander, arrest, and murder their opponent. The cultural message behind Donald Trump is one of prosperity, greatness, and most importantly, FUN.

We could talk about Trump’s policies, his rhetoric, his plans, or his felonies all day long (all of which I enjoy), but none of that matters as much as the cultural shift. Trump represents the end of excess bureaucracy and a return to a classic idea of America. He’s beer and cigarettes. He’s work hard/party hard. He’s hot chicks and fast cars.

Donald Trump makes it exciting to be American again.

Donald Trump and the Cool Kids’ Club

Trump was cool before he was even involved in politics. He made his name as a real estate developer in Manhattan in the 1980s, which alone is stuffed with symbolism:

• Real Estate- building skyscrapers, cool ones, with a flair of beauty and an essence of luxury, places where people want to visit and take pictures of. It’s an enormously difficult thing to do, but he did it many times, and beautified several American cities as a result.
• Manhattan- the coolest part of New York. It’s the cultural and financial center of America’s largest city, and represents the American hustle better than probably anywhere else.
• The 1980s- the peak of human civilization, a era of silly action movies, heavy metal, punk rock, high fashion, and cool cars.

Alas, it’s difficult to be cool when you’re pushing 80. Everyone can see that the great American icon has slowed down. He speaks softer and shuffles when he walks. It’s difficult to inspire a nation to rise up to the glory of the 1980s when you eat oatmeal and go to bed at 9 pm. That’s why Trump surrounded himself with the coolest kids on the block, a network of people who can carry the American spirit with him into the White House. Each one of these guys is a proven success, highly influential, and an American archetype in their own rite.

JD Vance

At first, JD Vance seemed like a nobody from the depths of the Republican Party’s ranks. This is not the case. He grew up in the armpit of Appalachia, raised by a pillhead mother, and managed to get himself out. It’s a tremendous thing to break a family pattern like that in the poorest part of the country, but he did it. He even wrote a best-selling book about the struggle, which became a movie, which suddenly vanished from memory as soon as he got into conservative politics because it made him look too good.

Vance represents the American ideal of social mobility. It’s supposed to be the thing that sets us apart from the rest of the world. We’re a country where merit prevails and anybody can do what they set their heart and mind to. He did it, and in the process became so smart and articulate that he’s a treat to listen to. Watching him trounce Tim Walz at the Vice Presidential debate was just damn delightful, and watching him go on Joe Rogan and say the F-word a bunch was even better.

Elon Musk

Elon Musk is the richest man in the world, and unlike many rich men, deserves every penny. He is the only dude in the world capable of reusing a spaceship. He wrenched Twitter from the hands of big tech censors and provided a new platform for information to be conveyed. News can spread faster and more accurately thanks to him. He’s leading the world in electric vehicles, giving free internet to hurricane victims, smoking a joint with Joe Rogan, and still finding time to play video games.

Musk represents the American dreamer. His obsession with going to space represents the highest ideal, leaving the world and exploring the galaxy, and he has come closer to it than anybody in history. To be the richest man in the world is an achievement that only one man gets to hold at a time, and he did it, and he did it here. He also reifies the Land of Opportunity paradigm, being a legal immigrant and all.

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

RFK is the nephew of John F. Kennedy, the president who put a man on the moon and got killed by the CIA for resisting their military regime. He’s on a mission of environmentalism, having dedicated his life to suing the pants off of corporations who trash the world. He’s a fitness buff and a health nut, also on the warpath to rid American food of poisons that have already been outlawed everywhere else. He cares about the health of the land and the health of the people, and fell into the crosshairs of Big Pharma for calling out the bullshit around COVID-19.

As the nephew of the premier Democrat, Bobby Kennedy represents the cultural flip-flop of liberal and conservative labels. Everything he stands for was formerly a Liberal point of view, but the liberals have become the party that pushed experimental vaccines, censored the internet, arrested political opponents, and tried to kill Trump. The conservative side is now the team of free speech, freedom of choice, and even environmentalism. The transformation is complete. The Right is officially the new punk rock.

Joe Rogan

Rogan is the host of the most popular podcast in the world, and he did it by just being a fun guy. He’s a regular Joe who smokes pot and tells jokes, likes to watch sports, and gets his jollies by beating up his friends. He was a latecomer to the Trump team, interviewing him in the final week of the election cycle. He tried to interview Kamala Harris, because that’s the fair thing to do, and she gave him the finger.

Joe represents how fun it is to be an American. America is a place where you can tell offensive jokes, where sports stars are the aristocracy, and shrugging off idiotic laws is part of the culture. He performs as hard as he laughs, he’s driven, at the top of his game and having a great time.

What Happens Next Under President Trump?

The entire machine stood behind Kamala Harris, and the entire machine collapsed. Every calculated media appearance was undone by a single 3-hour interview between Rogan and Trump. She choked every time she had to go off script because she can’t think, yet is too conceited to realize it. Considering her fakeness and the cultural nastiness she represents, it does my heart good to see just how hard she lost.

Trump bulldozed his way through the swing states, and even cerulean strongholds like Illinois, New York, Connecticut, and Minnesota came within 15 percentage points of flipping red. It’s a veritable landslide in the Electoral College, and he won the popular vote to boot. To sweeten the pot, the Republicans have also taken control of the Senate and the House of Representatives.

By backing Kamala Harris, the Democrats have screwed up so bad that they lost everything. The American people triumphantly rejected the establishment, and at least for this week, we can celebrate a monumental victory. The question is- can it last?

Trump made a lot of campaign promises. Bold ones, like eliminating income tax, ending taxes on tips, and making the United States the “crypto capital of the planet.” If he can do any of those, I’ll eat a hobo’s underpants. Hopes on this front should remain low, because even in his first term, many of his campaign promises failed to gestate. Remember “Drain the Swamp” and “Build the Wall?”

The difference is that back then, Trump was playing politics, and didn’t realize just how septic Washington D.C. is. Even his own Vice President stabbed him in the back in the end. I think it’s plausible that most of his work caught tied up in a machine that wanted to see him fail. This time, he’s got his own team of highly effective Cool Kids. That could really change things. I’d like to see it happen.

So, let’s keep a wary eye on that for now. One thing we can certainly count on is that the economy will make a very quick turnaround. We can all remember that things were better during his first term. Everyone was working and things were cheaper, it’s that simple. Even if that’s all we get for the next four years, that’s a win.

If I learned one thing during my visit to South America, it’s that politics is bananas anywhere you go. Even in the mighty United States, behind our great marketing campaigns, our sacred institutions are just political free-for-alls. The difference is that the whole world is keeping eager eyes on our banana republic. Maybe Trump and the Cool Kids can usher in a new golden age, a renaissance of American excellence. Maybe not, but at least there’s a ray of hope shining on the whole free world. That’s good enough for me. ■