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Hello gang, welcome to Spud Underground. It’s a weekly compilation of news stories that I think are fun. Unfortunately, sometimes the news is dull. We’re still stuck on this Israel-Palestine crap, but I think I found a way to entertain you with it anyway.

I guess I’ll start with my opinion on it, since everyone else is so happy to share theirs- I don’t care. I don’t care if Israel is doing a genocide. I don’t care if Hamas started it. I don’t care if both countries blow each other to bits. However, I find myself increasingly pro-Israel just because I hate the FREE FREE PALESTINE crowd so much.

I don’t think the US should be paying for Israel. I don’t think the US should be buying anybody’s lunch, actually. If Israel can’t defend itself against the endless onslaught of angry Islamic nations, maybe it doesn’t belong there. Cultures and countries form organically, and forcing one to exist where it isn’t welcome just goes against nature.

That being said, if Israel is able to defend its borders and maintain a functioning culture, it has every right to be there. This idea that no land should ever be occupied is idiotic. I’m pretty sure every country is on occupied land. You could even make the case the present-day Germany is occupying Nazi Germany’s territory, but nobody ever claims that the Nazis deserve their land back. Sometimes countries die and a new one moves in. If people don’t get along, then there’s a war. It’s been this way through all of history.

This week I’ve got a fun story about boys being boys and being rewarded for a change. After that, I tell you about the Palestine protest I saw in downtown Boise yesterday. To close, I finally pick a side in the Israel-Palestine conflict. If you like this newsletter, you can support it by buying my book on Amazon and leaving a review. I appreciate the holy hell out of anyone who does that, thank you very much. Drink beer, be happy, it’s sunny out this week so don’t be a miserable cave cretin and touch some grass.

Stay Dangerous, My Friends

-RJ

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PARTY ON, BRO

Protesters took over the University of North Carolina for no goddamn reason, and at the center of the commotion was a proud American flag. Worrying for the Stars and Stripes, the young men of UNC Kappa Alpha banded together to protect the flag from whatever idiocy their communist classmates could concoct. To thank these frat boys for their service, a GoFundMe page was created to raise money to give these boys an absolute rager. The campaign went viral and put together half a million dollars.

Conservative Dad’s is a non-woke brand of beer that is leading the charge to give these kids a bender to remember. Leading the organization of what would be the biggest house party in history, the company donated 24,000 cans of free beer. The party would have gone down last night, but it was delayed due to mass popularity.

That’s right, frat bros were planning on traveling across the country to attend this UNC bash. “Flagstock,” as it was being called, would have surely gotten way out of hand, so the beer company decided to reschedule. A new date has not yet been announced, but in the meantime, Conservative Dad’s has donated the beer instead to a local veteran’s group.

Ah, the old house party days. I never went to college, but that never stopped my friends and I from throwing the gnarliest ragers you’d ever seen in our old duplex. I wonder what hell we would have raised with 24,000 free beers. It’s good to look back on those good times, but I’m not one for nostalgia. Not like the folks in our next story, anyway…

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I WANNA PROTEST TOO!

I was walking around downtown Boise and saw tents on the sidewalk, so I went to see what was going on. This itty-bitty little protest was happening on the steps of the Capitol building. Why? What has Idaho got to do with the Palestine thing? I regret that I didn’t go ask them about it. Oh well. I probably would have lost brain cells if I talked to them for too long.

Jim Risch and Mike Crapo, Idaho’s Republican senators, both voted in favor of the $95.3 billion foreign aid bill, which passed the Senate back in February. Last year, Governor Brad Little declared November 5th as “Idaho Stands with Israel Day.” So, Idaho has some clear sympathies in the conflict, and it makes more sense to protest at the Capitol than at BSU, but I still don’t understand what setting up camp is supposed to accomplish.

Then I saw this sign, and it all came together:

The people at this little gathering were too old to join the college protests, and now they’ve got Free-Free-Palestine FOMO. They want to protest, too! So, they designated this patch of sidewalk as the People’s University. They aren’t protesting the war in Gaza. They aren’t protesting any genocide. They’re using the stupidest movement in the world as an excuse to play pretend that they’re 22-year-old college communists again. How embarrassing.

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HOT CHICK OF THE WEEK: GAL GADOT

Since we’ll be hearing about this damn Gaza war for the rest of our lives, I guess I’d better pick a side. I have no love for either country, but I love women, so let’s see which country is sexier.

Israel gives us Gal Gadot, the most beautiful woman in Hollywood, possibly history. Palestine gives us… diddly squat, because it’s a Sharia law shithole where women have to wear tarps.

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ALBUM OF THE WEEK: METZIUT NIFREDET

Another way to gauge a country is by how hard they can rock, and Israel leads that charge by far. In fact, the kind leaders in Hamas have repressed music to the point where they can’t even compete. As far as Israeli rock goes, I found this band called Hayehudim (Hebrew for “the Jews”) that are pretty good. They sing in Hebrew, which is neat, and the music has a nice 90’s alternative sound to it that would fit right in here in the Pacific Northwest. ■