Welcome everybody to Spud Weekly, Issue #1! In this new newsletter, I compile a bunch of news stories that I think are important, interesting, funny or otherwise Spudly and add some commentary. Why should you care? Well, YOU’RE the one who signed up for the newsletter, so you should ask yourself that question and leave me out of it.
I’m doing this for a few reasons. First, I’ve been trying to be more consistent with content on this website. I’d rather take my time and focus on quality articles, rather than bombard you with half decent stuff, and sometimes that takes too long. I think this newsletter will be a fun way to keep Spud consistent, for your sake and mine. Especially since the world has done most of my work already. I just have to write about it.
Second, I miss running a magazine. That was fun. I liked fighting with the deadlines and organizing different columns and themes together into a fun and cohesive piece of art every month. Turns out print media isn’t a good way to make money. I’m hoping that this newsletter captures the energy of the original Spud magazines, but without as much music coverage, since I’m out of the punk rock business and all. Without the hassle of printing, distributing and doing all the layouts and designs, putting out an online mini-Spud each week should be a breeze.
And lastly, because I need something to do. If I’m not as busy as possible, I start drinking too much and suddenly weeks have gone by and all I’ve done is read about Argentina on the internet. This little experiment is as much for my liver as it is for your reading pleasure.
Without further ado, I’m pleased to bring you the very first Spud Weekly. It’s as rude and crude as always. It’s off the cuff, with minimal editing. It tastes best mashed up in butter and served with steak. Let’s try it for a month or so and see how it goes, shall we?
Stay Dangerous, My Friends,
-RJ Jenson
Get Spud Content Delivered Right Up Your Butt
Join the email list for updates, new blogs, special deals, and more
JAPANESE RESEARCH FINDS DEADLY RISK IN COVID-VACCINATED BLOOD DONATIONS
I’m not going to pretend that I understand any of the technical details in this article, I’m just sharing it to brag about how I’m a clean-blooded unvaxxed nutbar and all you guys are going to die. Neener, neener.
Just kidding. The interesting thing about this research is how quick American journalists are to discredit it with a bunch of “that’s not nice” rhetoric. This paper published by the National Institute of Health warns that discriminating against vaccinated blood donors is as dangerous as discriminating against black and gay blood donors, as we’ve done in the past. It just isn’t fair!
Black donors were temporarily barred from donating blood because of the high risk of transmitting sickle cell anemia. Gay donors were temporarily barred from donated blood because of the AIDS pandemic. If your blood has deadly diseases in it- don’t fucking share! How narcissistic are you that people need to die in order for you to get that warm fuzzy feeling?
Blood donations aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, by the way. Transfusions are a medically controversial treatment that don’t always work and often lead to host rejection, even if the blood is clean and the right type. I say this as a guy who’s donated loads of blood and even ran a blood drive for his Eagle Scout project. Blood donations aren’t that helpful and the Red Cross is one of the most corrupt organizations in America.
FRANCIS SCOTT KEY BRIDGE COLLAPSES IN BALTIMORE
https://www.instagram.com/p/C4-PglsOAup (couldn’t embed)
This happened just this morning so it’s hard to get good details about the incident, but this video I think shows it all. A cargo vessel lost power and collided with the pylon, causing the main span of the bridge to crumble like a wet Graham cracker. The ship was able to send out a mayday before the collision so the bridge was closed, and only six people are unaccounted for at press time.
I can’t get over how quickly the bridge comes down. The boat gently bonks the support and the whole thing just folds. I get that a boat weighs as much as a small city so that’s a lot of momentum- but holy shit that bridge is fragile! Did that piece of construction paper really carry 11.5 million cars per year?
The comments I’ve been seeing on videos like this are a great example of how quickly people are to overcomplicate things. Immediately, everyone is getting all conspiracy theoretical about it, because it’s so difficult for the coddled American mind to comprehend disaster. Yes, it’s impossible to steer ship if the power goes out. Yes, the infrastructure we use every single day is that fragile. No, this wasn’t an obvious terror attack from Singapore, of all places. People really is dumb.
JAVIER MILEI FLIES COACH TO SWITZERLAND
Apparently, Argentina doesn’t have an Air Force One. Maybe it got seized by a hedge fund because Argentina couldn’t pay their debts. Come to think of it, they probably don’t have a Marine One either, because the country has a rough history with helicopters. Oh well, I guess the President will have to ride coach on his trip to Switzerland, with all of us brain-dead serfs and our crying infants. I wonder if the guy behind him kicked his seat the whole way.
I actually think this is pretty cool. It’s what a populist president should do. Flying a private jet is the ultimate separation of elites and commoners. Not a good look. Besides, look how much they love this guy! It takes fifteen minutes to get to his seat because he’s got to stop and hug every one of them. Then he lands, and even in Switzerland he’s got to hand out a million autographs.
The most important question on my mind is- why can’t we have a president that wears a leather jacket?
HOT CHICK OF THE WEEK: RAQUEL WELCH
There’s no school like the old school, and the most beautiful woman the old school ever produced was Raquel Welch. She was my earliest love, ever since I saw her as a guest star from that 1978 episode of The Muppet Show, dancing with a big felt spider (we had the Muppets on DVD when I was growing up. I swear I’m not old).
Her number one movie hit was called One Million Years B.C., which spawned the famous pin-up poster in the movie Shawshank Redemption. She didn’t do a whole lot of acting after that because she wasn’t very good at it, and modeling was a much more successful venture.
Raquel died in February of 2023, at the age of 82, and still looked great. You could say she was drop-dead gorgeous. Few women in history have been so blessed by Aphrodite to have been an icon of beauty for nearly a century. I’m sure I could dig up some kind of philanthropy she did on the side to make the feminists happy, but it’s 3 in the morning and I don’t care that much.
ALBUM OF THE WEEK: LOVE AN ADVENTURE
We’ve done some rebranding lately, you may have noticed. Punk rock is a terrible place, it’s gross and resentful and everyone hates each other over there. Now, we’re all about adventure. A little bit of philosophy and libertarian politics, but those are adventures too. This is the album I picked to celebrate the change- Love An Adventure by Pseudo Echo.
This band was formed in Melbourne, Australia, just in time to catch the new wave wave and become almost sort of famous. 1985’s Love An Adventure is their second album and contains about half of their bangers. The 1986 reissue included a much improved cover of Funkytown by Lipps Inc., which was Pseudo Echo’s only international hit. This album is a punchy, energetic gem from a severely underrated 80’s pop band. Enjoy.
Spud media 
Leave a comment