Spud media

You walk through the front door of the poorly lit dive bar. The TouchTunes is lightly playing some old music. You can hear the clacking of pool balls colliding from the corner. It’s a pretty quiet night here at Spud’s Tavern, which means it will be a great time to strike up conversation with some of the regulars. Let’s introduce them.

Punctual Paul

Consistently shows up half an hour early for happy hour, then wonders why the hell his tab was so much.

“Shut Up” Randy

Randy’s hearty guffaw is as the lion’s mighty roar. It can be heard from up to two miles away.

Cade

Cade plays drums, puts on festivals, writes stuff, and has a creepy moustache. If you really want to get a rise out of him, strike up a debate about AI.

Unbelieva-Bill

He once caught a fish thiiiiiiiiiiiis big. He’s not as built as he used to be, but you shoulda seen him back when he was a fireman. He used to get so much pussy in those days. He’s got a million stories that you just wouldn’t believe.

Gamble

Gamble is a busy bee. He’s a graphic designer by trade and even did the Spud’s Tavern sign. He’s in bands, volunteers at the Hive, and will surprise you with his surreal and irreverent humor.

One-O’th-Guys Gladys

Gladys wants to hang with the boys because the girls just don’t get her. She understands economics, has a law career, and knows every starting quarterback to pitch for the Utah Jazz. Unfortunately, none of this makes us respect her as a woman.

Shaman Chad

You’ll find him in the darkest corner of the patio, puffing on his pipe. He’ll answer all your questions about shamanism, psychedelics, and spirituality, but don’t waste his time with inane chatter.

RJ

RJ is as opinionated as he is irascible. He’s the editor of Idaho’s rudest magazine. He knows all about 1980s hair metal and will tell you everything you never wanted to know about crypto.

Peter Peter Thin Ice Skater

Has been 86’d from every bar on this street already. He knows he’s only one racial slur away from losing this spot, too. He’s on his best behavior, which is still pretty bad.

If you want to check out the patio, turn to page 12.

If you’d rather go ask about the cocktail specials, turn to page 10.

Otherwise, turn the page.