Some people smoke, some people don’t. The latter have always been jealous of the former for looking so damn good. Picture Rod Serling in his tailored suit on the set of The Twilight Zone. Or Dave Chapelle lighting up on-stage at an award ceremony (“What are they going to do, kick me out before I get the prize?”). Or Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden in Fight Club, the raging maniac who lives within each of us. Stylish motherfuckers, all of them.
To understand the appeal of the cigarette, one must understand the cigarette. Tobacco clears the head and boosts focus and relaxation. It pairs well with coffee for a little extra grease in the wheels while it soothes the jitters. It pairs well with alcohol, to counteract the sedative effects. After some physical exertion, it washes the excess energy out of your body like a warm shower. Tobacco’s many uses make it the drug of choice for a lot of our favorite archetypes. The rugged cowboy. The hard-working, hard-playing blue-collar guy. The thinker. The executive. The rock star.
A cigarette is a disposable corsage that puts you in the same echelon as the toughest, coolest, most important people in the world. Whatever you’re doing matters, and you intend to enjoy doing it. It’s dangerous, but you aren’t afraid. Your work and your pleasure are so important that health can take a step back. You take your life into your own hands. Who knows what you’re capable of?
If smoking isn’t hot enough for you already, try some accessories to really commit to the look. A cigarette case is surprisingly inexpensive, and much more durable and snazzy than that gauche paper box. Pull a dart out of a leather-bound case and you’re sure to get some attention. Some even have a storage spot for lighters so you can save space in your pockets. Pitch the Bic and snag a Zippo, or go low-tech with a book of matches.
You can still enjoy a good look with a good smoke if you’re not a high-powered, hard-living party animal. Pipes and cigars the stylistic choice of leisure smoking; taking the evening off with some top-shelf scotch and a book. This is the look of the thinker, the mystic, the wise man. The time and money investment in these smokes means that they double as status symbols. Your work is done. You’ve already made a name for yourself, and now is the time to relax. You’ve got nowhere to go and a lot of thinking to do.
If this is your style, dress the part. A pipe or a cigar goes better with a wool pea coat than a denim jacket. Grow out that facial hair. A pipe is most comfortable under nestled under a tremendous Nietzschean moustache. Take your time and choose the right smoke, because you’ll be puffing on it for an hour or more.
Sorry ladies, these heavy-duty smokes are not for you. There’s something very unnatural about a girl chomping on a giant Cuban. The good news is that they still make cigarette holders if you want to go for that old-style lounge look. Pair that with some evening gloves and you’ll be looking just like Audrey Hepburn in no time.
The dangerous allure of this fashion cannot be replicated with a vape. Nobody looks like a badass when they suck a strawberry scented cloud out of a robot’s cock. What a great way to show to the world how edgy you aren’t. You want all the addiction with none of the danger. That’s like a skateboarder who wears elbow pads.
In a culture where face masks and gloves are the dress code, moral laws of purity are passed to the people from bureaucrats on high, and safety and obedience are paramount; lighting up a cigarette speaks volumes. Smoking says, “You’re not the boss of me. I live on the edge. My body, my choice. Memento mori.” It’s a claim that requires a certain degree of courage to make. It’s the only fashion statement that smells like freedom and leaves a burn scar on the forehead of the establishment.
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