Spud media

Should you ever hit on a girl at work? Spud investigates.

Everyone is out looking for love, often in all the wrong places, and one of the most wrong places to search is the service industry. Where the staff work for tips, it becomes their job to be your best friend for the duration of your visit. Just because that cute waitress is being nice and flashing her eyelashes doesn’t mean she’s head-over-heels for you. She’s at work, and she’s got to make a living in this hopeless economy just like you do. Every single guy slips into that pitfall a few times, but some don’t learn the lesson: don’t hit on girls at work.

I began a little investigation into the worst things guys do that really get under a girl’s skin. I did it out of my love for you, so you can avoid embarrassment as you venture into the world of romance. Using the “don’t hit on girls at work” rule as given, I talked to a few girls in the service industry. I wanted to know specific things that guys do that piss them off, and if being asked out on the job has ever worked.

I got some great pointers for you to bear in mind. I also got some pretty surprising intel about the rule.

Hannah is a bartender who is a firm supporter of the rule. “Don’t hit on girls at work,” she said. “Or at the gym. That’s not why we’re here. The worst thing is when guys act all big and bad to impress me, and then tip like shit. Don’t pretend to be Mr. Big Dick and then leave, like, 1%.”

Even in her single days, the advances of barflies never tickled her fancy. “It doesn’t work. I don’t think it ever has. We aren’t going to work looking for that.”

That is the answer I expected to hear across the board, but I talked to a barista who disagreed entirely. She even laughed when I brought up the rule.

“You’ve gotta shoot your shot, right?” she said cheerfully. “It’s better to take that chance than to regret it for the rest of the day.”

That’s some go-get-’em rhetoric that I can get behind. She was so bubbly and positive that she couldn’t even give me an example of things she hates. Granted, she was very young, and so pretty that I forgot to get her name. Maybe she’ll sing a different tune after she gets stiffed by a few guys who can’t take the L.

Last up is a stripper named London. She gave me the most in-depth answer of all, and was very critical of the rule.

“It depends a lot on the industry and the situation. In this industry, it comes with the job. Just don’t forget that this is all a fantasy. I’m not going to be your always-and-forever girl, our relationship ends at the end of the night. But in other industries, as long as you ‘re being respectful and not pushy or creepy, I don’t see why that should be a problem.”

Since London is on the clock, the thing that pisses her off is “when guys waste time. I know you’re trying to steer the conversation in that way, just stop wasting time avoiding the question you want to ask.”

You heard it here, out of the mouth of babes: hitting on girls at work might not be such a bad thing after all.

A PIG’S OPINION

Women love to make rules for men. I think it’s a litmus test to find guys who are willing to break or bend certain rules. It’s not about manipulation or control per sé, the fairer sex has a biological prerogative to find the best possible partner while weeding out undesirables. That sounds like good evolution to me. What was that noise? Oh, a bunch of shrews just showed up at my office with pitchforks and torches. Again.

I really did go into this investigation assuming that every girl hates being schmoozed on the job. Now I think it’s one of those rules that aren’t really rules. (Note: breaking rules and crossing boundaries are totally different things. Don’t get any funny ideas.) It’s still not ideal, having an active social life and meeting people on an even field is way better.

With this new wisdom, I’d like to share a personal experience:

Before I was the womanizing, smooth-talking, handsome and charming hunk of a man that I pretend to be on paper am today, I was an awkward doofus with no social skills. I took on a challenge to ask for 30 girls’ phone numbers in 30 days. I would drive half-an-hour out of my way to places where I was unlikely to end up again. Mostly coffee shops because I wasn’t old enough to drink. Other patrons were wrapped up in their studies or books, which left one option: the smiling, friendly lass on the other side of the counter. That’s right, I broke the cardinal rule 30 days in a row. It worked exactly zero times.

Around day 21, I realized it wasn’t supposed to work. The purpose of the exercise is to inoculate the mind to the word “no.” Rejection immunity is a very valuable skill to have in all facets of life, especially for young men who spend every waking moment staring rejection in the face. That challenge brought tremendous benefit to my life at the cost of a few bothered baristas. If a workplace pick-up isn’t such a crime after all, then maybe other young men can benefit from that challenge also.

Outside the social aquarium of school, people below bar age have few options. Online dating apps seem to be a popular choice, but studies show that girls swipe left 90% of the time (or more!) on those things. That leaves the vast bulk of fellas with no dates, no experience, and no chance to improve. Then, the same girls say not to hit on them at work.

Maybe that challenge is right for you. Talk to girls at work. Don’t waste her time, don’t tip like shit, don’t act like some big-shot when you know you ain’t. You gain life experience, and worst-case-scenario she’s uncomfortable for a few minutes. She’ll get over it. ■