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Have you ever checked out an album because of a beautiful woman on the cover? Of course you have, you big, fat liar. Sex has been selling rock n’ roll albums since Elvis. We’ve picked some of the sexiest babes from the most iconic albums for your didactic and lecherous pleasure. Are you ready to play Smash or Pass?

Candy Moore

All of my waifus are Alberto Vargas paintings. The Peruvian-born painter was famous for his illustrations is Esquire and Playboy, but was 83-years-old and retired when he was asked to do this cover. His niece was a fan of The Cars, which is why he relented and took the job. So, here lies Candy painted by Vargas, sprawled out deliciously on one of the worst albums in the world.

Unknown Model

This is an easy Pass. It’s not that she’s too old, it’s that she’s got librarian hair and lips made for sucking lemons. I’d like to formally thank that bubblegum for hanging in there and protecting our eyeballs.

Laurie Ann Carr

Laurie wasPlaymate of the Month in December, 1986 and worked with Playboy quite a bit after that. She starred in a few schlock horror films before posing on Stick It To Ya, then was briefly married to Robbin Crosby from Ratt. According to IMDb, she’s a chiropractor now.

Paula Turnbull

Paula was a popular model before Permanent Waves, but not everyone reads Toronto fashion magazines. Even though the music world knows her face (and thighs), I couldn’t find much of her other work to check out. Still, according to this snippet from Toronto Life Fashion in 1981, she was busy after this album.

Unknown Model #2

Wait a minute, didn’t we just see this lady? Pass. Even Dennis DeYoung hates this album cover.

Sharona Alperin

This is Sharona Alperin, the namesake of this hit single. She met Doug Feiger when she was 17 and he was 27, two years later he finally won her heart and wrote this song. A few years later, she dumped him and moved onto selling houses. Thanks to a creepy rock star, we can still enjoy the perky Knack-ers of a future real estate agent in her youth. This is the magic of music.

Ashley Savage

Ashley is a hard chick to find. My research indicates that this terrible footage from a Seinfeld spoof by Peter Austin Noro features her as a waitress. It’s difficult to say for sure without an underboob sample to compare. Let’s assume that this cutie did appear on Ween’s album, and say Smash.

Janine Lindemuller

Janine Lindemuller was a porn star during the VHS rental age. Not long after doing this album and subsequent Blink-182 music videos, she quit porn to teach kindergarten. She quit that and went back to porn, and maintains an OnlyFans page to this day at the age of 53. Every aspect of this picture is delightful, from the hair to the… cheekbones. Smash, and take my $13/month.

Kate Murtagh

Kate was a character actress who was in every TV show in the world during the 60’s and 70’s. Her role on the cover of Breakfast in America suits her typecast well, she’s the goofy old lady with a warm sense of humor. Pass, obviously, but she does make me want a country fried steak and eggs.

Linzi Drew

Another porn star for the list, Linzi posed for Roger Water’s debut solo album The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking wearing nothing but red heels. Aside from modeling, she took up writing when she was doing a photoshoot for Penthouse UK and didn’t like what the old dudes wrote about her. She’s published a couple of erotic novels and has been in a few movies. Even drawn as a cartoon, Linzi is definitely a Smash.