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by Fags Dykerson

Hey guys, Fags Dykersen here with another installment of That’s Totally Gay, where we analyze the gayest things in the world through a rainbow lens.

The thought of ramen noodles may conjure images of a sad broke man living in squalor. He may be working on a doomed business, or paying for college tuition, or sending half of his money to an ex-wife who has already remarried. What if ramen didn’t have to be a cellophane-wrapped brick of cardboard and sorrow? What if it could be the newest trend in fine cuisine? That’s right- ramen is now tastier, healthier, and gayer than ever before.

Normal instant ramen is made by machines. It’s served with two dehydrated peas and a weird orange cube. It costs six cents and takes five minutes to make. Traditional Japanese ramen is made by white college students and served with delicious meat and veggies. It costs $15 and you’ll be waiting in line for twenty minutes. Talk about a glow up! The smells of all those quality ingredients combine into something beautiful when they hit the nostrils. The flavors leech into the noodles, which become my second favorite thing to slide down my throat.

We gave ramen a makeover, and it’s a hit! It’s got more people talking than other traditional Japanese food because it’s so radical and ironic. What? Ramen? But fancy? Sign me up! But what’s so gay about an expensive bowl of noodles and meat?

It’s not the food itself that’s totally gay, it’s the atmosphere around the food. Being totally gay is all about pizzazz. We love mainlining a syringe full of excitement into the brachial artery of simple things. We’ve changed the way we thought about ramen, and now a simple dish that goes back 100 years or so is becoming a staple of middle-class foodie culture. The Japanese must think we’re so quirky!

That’s all for me this month. Please join me in saying sayonara to Nissin, and heeeey to authentic, traditional ramen- the gayest meal around. Stay gay, Boise! xoxo