Women have the power to erase a man’s mind. A pretty girl wearing a creative outfit walks by and CRUNCH- the train of thought is derailed and tumbling into the ravine. The conversation stops, and a bunch of confused dudes look at each other and ask, “What just happened? What plane of heaven was I on just now?”
The most beautiful things in the world are mountaintops, the beach, the stars, a bouncing pair of breasts unrestrained by a bra, and a tush that pushes a pair of jeans to it’s limits; in no particular order. The latter two are the subject of this month’s Spud Survey- the contest between them goes way back to the early Holocene period, when cavemen started sculpting cavewomen out of mud and rocks.
Tits and ass have influenced mankind from the very beginning. Helen’s marvelous dump truck led to the destruction of Troy. Cleopatra’s incredible rack helped build the Roman Empire. Even though we aren’t out there building or destroying kingdoms, men still obsess over these two attributes. We take sides like we do with everything, and it’s one team against the other- to the death, if need be! The two things that weigh on every man’s mind must be pitted against each other. There must be teams, there must be debate! One must be better than the other, objectively and scientifically proven. There must be an answer, a victor in the age-old battle; and which will it be? Will it be tits, or will it be ass?
Spud Staff asked this question. We asked strangers in bars, from our Instagram stories, and even random people on the street. We asked as many men as we could to get the most accurate representation of Boise’s opinion.
The results are in. Hey, Boise! Tits or Ass?
It’s a perfect 75-25 split, and Boise is officially an Ass town. Frankly, we were expecting it to be about 50-50. There was an overwhelming favor of Ass right off the bat, but Tits started to make a bit of a comeback towards the end of the polling phase.
Good Lord, some of these guys get passionate. Many of them made some very persuasive arguments:
“A nice ass takes work, but a girl is born with nice boobs.”
“Ain’t no way it’s 50/50.”
“You just get bored of tits after a while.”
“Asses are too firm. Tits are always soft and cuddly.”
Sounds like the human race isn’t as far off from our monkey ancestors as we thought we were.
Editor’s note: Spud Magazine stands for truth and objectivity in journalism, so let it be known that this publication is biased in favor of Tits.
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